The Uncertainty of it all

At this point in the process, I have no doubt in my mind that we will get to England – eventually.

I have, with the exception of one or two “in-case” add-ins, finished collating all of the paperwork to submit at our visa appointment next week – complete with certified copies of ALL of the original documents (just in case, ya know), valuations of my car (to further prove that we have the financial means to do this) and a DNA sample (just kidding….or am I?).

Unfortunately, the “glass-half-empty” part of me (which only rears its negative head during times like this) keeps worrying that we will be declined and condemned to live a life of “what-ifs”. What if our visa was approved and we spent our days (weekends…every other weekend) travelling around Europe? What if we went to London and loved it? What if we went to London and hated it? What if we decided to move to the French countryside? These will remain what if’s if this visa thing doesn’t work out.

Logically speaking, there is no reason it shouldn’t be approved, but I can’t help the worrying.

Added to this is all the other stress, which is all related in one way or another. I am mentally freaking my pip because my mom wont be here for our last month in South Africa. Say what you like, but, as a 28 year old woman, I need my mom as much now as I ever have – even, if only, for the moral support. Jut having her here makes me feel safer. 

We, also, have no furniture and no home of our own from the end of this month. One car, which will also have to be sold soon, and we have both resigned from our jobs.

All sense of safety and security is out of the window leaving me the most unsettled I have been since I moved out of home when I was 20 and into my retarded, controlling ex-boyfriends house (and y’all can guess how that worked out, innit?)

The only thing keeping me going is my glass half full side – like, there is no possible reason they would decline us. Who wouldn’t want me in their country. I mean, have you seen me running high heels? That’s skill right there, folks

And in the words of Incubus: “Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes…”

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